Ask me anything
Compulsion: Force intérieure poussant le sujet à accomplir une action. La non-exécution étant génératrice d'angoisse. L'auteure présente ici un besoin de libération d'émotions, d'idées ou de réflexion.
"My whole life I’ve been telling myself: “don’t be afraid.” And it is only now that I’m realizing how stupid that is. Don’t be afraid. Like saying: “don’t move out of the way when someone tries to punch you” or “don’t flinch at the heat of a fire” or “don’t blink.” Don’t be human. I’m afraid. And you’re afraid and we’re all always going to be afraid. Because that’s the point. What I should be telling myself is: “be afraid, but do it anyway. Live anyway."
"You’re single because you’re single. It’s not because you texted too much or too little or waited 33 minutes to respond because he took 23. It’s not because you met up with your ex that night at 5 a.m. that no one knows about, or because you kissed another boy after a date with a loser.
You’re not single because you spit food on that date or tripped coming out the the movie theatre. You’re not single because you hurt your first boyfriend really badly when you were 15 or because you have yet, to this day, to apologize. It’s not because you were secretly jealous when your friend got a boyfriend or that a guy you dated for two months now has a really cute girlfriend and looks really happy. And you’re happy for him. But still ill that he found someone before you.
You’re not single because you slept with your ex boyfriend. You’re not single because half the world found out when you didn’t even want to remember it yourself. You’re not single because you think the guy your friend wants to hook you up with is ugly or not tall enough. It’s not because you’re not willing to put up with someone who doesn’t brush their teeth on a regular basis.
You’re not single because your standards are too high. Good for you for having standards. It’s not because you didn’t like that really, really good guy who wanted to take you on a date and you just weren’t feeling it. And it’s not because you like to wear pajama pants as soon as you get home and wash all the makeup off your face. You’re not single because you didn’t learn enough from the past or would rather chill on a Friday night with your blanket and a cold beer than shower, get ready, and go out. You’re not single because something is wrong with you.
You are single because you are single. It’s really as simple as that. You haven’t made the connection with another heart yet. You can get dolled up, dress cute, cut your hair, dye your hair, tweeze your eyebrows, put on lipstick and you may still. be. single. You can go out to a bar hoping to meet the love of your life and not find a damn one in the place attractive. And it’s going to remain that way until it’s time for you to find one. Stop hoping for it. Start living the life that you do have instead of wishing for things that you don’t have. There will come a time you’ll meet a boy and you’ll have to give up some of this single freedom you currently have. Start being more thankful. Start doing that now."
*Breathe and remember that you’ve felt this stressed before.
You’ve felt this overwhelmed and anxious and you’ve survived. Not just once, but many, many times. Even though it was difficult and daunting and you wanted to give up, you pushed through and made it. Breathe and trust that you can survive this wave of finals too. You’re more capable than you give yourself credit for. Keep breathing, again and again. It will all be over soon. You can make it. You will make it.
*However you do on your finals, the grades you receive don’t define you.
They aren’t a reflection on your intelligence or your worth as a person. They’re just an arbitrary measurement of what you were able to learn in a particular class in the midst of everything else going on in your life. No matter what score you get, you are wonderful and valuable and deserving of kindness.
*If your parents are putting pressure on you to get perfect grades, know that their high expectations are not about you.
They’re about them and their own insecurities, failed dreams, and misguided way of encouraging you to do well — and you don’t have to internalize that. You don’t have to compromise your own mental health and happiness for the sake of winning their approval. I know you want to make them proud, but our parents are human, and sometimes, they have unrealistic standards. You matter too, and you deserve to make your wellbeing a priority. So if that means doing less studying and more self-care, that’s more than okay.
*Let however much you study be enough.
Instead of expecting yourself to be perfect, give yourself room to be human. You’re doing the best you can to take in all the information you need to know and make it through an incredibly stressful week, and at the end of the day, that’s all you can ask of yourself. It’s enough. And no what what you manage to do, you’re enough.